I want to be a boy

But not in the way you think

I still want to be pretty

to giggle and dance around the room

I want to wear cute skirts that swish in the wind

Or dresses that I can twirl around the room

I want to be feminine

But not in the feminine way

I want old women to swoon over makeup

Saying they wish they could do half of what’s on my face

While saying how their grandson is also in beauty school

I want little girls to point me out on the street

Squealing “I want a dress like his!”

I want toxic men to tell me I’m not a real man

But not for what I started as

But because I’m wearing more makeup than his last girlfriend

I want to be masculine

Masculine in the way that I’m expected to carry heavy things

And clowned on if I refuse

Masculine in the way of being able to fireman carry all of my friends

Or calling the gym my second home

Masculine in the way that I’m not afraid to walk home alone

And can even offer to walk my female friends to theirs

Masculine in the way that servers put the check in front of me

When on dates or romantic outings

I want to be me

To stop being scared

I want to stop hating what I see

Whenever I have the misfortune of seeing a mirror

I want to love myself as I am

Not as what people expect me to be

I want to stop the turmoil and pain

Every time I close my eyes or let the music stop

I want to love masculine and feminine me

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